Doing what I do best..
31st July 11
Today I had a great shoot with a photographer that goes by the name 'Carpe Diem' (Seize the day, in Latin), which I thought was quite fitting given the recent turn of events for me. We did some really great shots, and I have to admit I was really impressed with his use of space in his studio which is similiar to mine in size, so I've got a few ideas with what to do with the mountain of fabric and other material I've accumalted 'just in case!'
I wasn't going going to do any glamour for while, as I almost felt negative towards it, given that I've modelled since I was 18, and haven't felt as though I've ever reached my full potential. Having great big implants means your pretty much tied to the glamour sector, and brushed off quickly by other photographers, as your usually stereotyped as dumb and only good for portraying sex. Utter bullshit in other words, as I feel I've been able to model fashion and fine art pretty well given my juggurnauts! However I have never regretted having my breast enlarged, as I felt being only a 34B with a size 10/12 figure, I needed them to put me more in proportion. Anyway, now that's all off my chest (hehe!), here's a pic from today's shoot : )
Hope you all like them! Remember if you wish to purchase any signed prints, I usually have several running on my ebay site: http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=150637298703&ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT
And if the pics your looking for aren't there, just drop me a message and I'll be happy to help : )
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Fine Art Nude shoot...
27th July 11
Inspired by recent shoots that had a more natural edge to them, I decided to work with a few more photographers myself, rather than just hiring out my studio to others all the time, and only photograhing clothes for my ebay business. I wanted to pack in as much as possible before my upcoming operations. This shoot was with a photographer named Michael James, working name Biemm. We arranged at first to start with fashion, and it didn't seem to cick at first..when working with a tog, you kind of get that energy together whereby you both seem to know what each other's thinking, and you can sense what sort of pose or quality each other is after, and the camera just click click click away until you are both exhausted!
Those are the types of shoots I love, the ones that have no real purpose other than to see what you both feel like creating. I think that's the element of modelling that taps into my art background. Not many people know (until they read the about me section of course!), but I originally studied Fine Art & Psychology at uni, with the aim of training to become an Art Psychotherapist. I'm a big believer in that drawing, painting or designing makes someone open up and express themselves. Some people that aren't into art don't really understand it, but as a child could be in my bedroom for hours on end drawing and painting, not being able to rest until my picture was finished. That's sometime show I feel about modelling, that whatever I'm shooting, I can convey my message across.
I suggested I change my make up to a style I rarely use, sort of gothic, but I was inspired by watching the film The Black Swan recently, which was a bit of a weird one I have to admit! I expected ballet etc, and was interested in it as that's where my name comes from, the ballet Swan Lake. However I wasn't expecting a schizo lesbian knife wielding ballet dancer, but the make up seemed kind of cool!
I'm really pleased with the results..I changed them over to black & white as I felt they were more sinister like that, and brought out the shadows and muscle tone more. Next we used a blue voile type material, and I simply played around with it..
It really shows the 'less is more' kind of theme, and I think these pics are just as sexy as normal full on glamour I've done before. In fact it's really fun just playing around and seeing what you can come up with. This next one is my all time favourite from the shoot...
I was simply perched on a bar stool, which is actually harder than it sounds! We only had limited space at the time, no more than a box room, but we really used it to it's advantage and experimented wth different lights etc..I think because my fave is hidden, I enjoy the picture eevn more, as it kind of makes you wonder what the face is like, and the body language represents to me how I'm feeling at the moment, which is a little scared of the upcoming operations, in a bit of pain, but also tired of everything. It's like my mask has been stripped and all thats left is my bare skin exposed to everything, and that underneath I am vulnerable and scared, just like everyone else. Definitly a really powerful shoot, will 100% work with Biemm in the future again-if he can put up with me again that is!
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My Fairytale Secret Garden shoot..
27th July 11
Earlier in the year, whilst browsing my local charity shops (yes, and I love them!), I picked up a tacky salmon pink eighties style bridesmaid dress. I knew it would be useful for a shoot, or to at least customise and sell, so as it was only a fiver, I bought it.
Then when I had my photographer round to shoot some of my ebay clothing in the garden, i thought I may as well have a pic wearing it so I could try to re-sell it..well that led to a whole new shoot last lasted an extra couple of hours, and produced these amazing fairytale images in my studio's garden. The weather was so lovely that day, and these are what we created....
Who would of thought that a cheap tacky old bridesmaid dress would lead such amazing images! I feel that they are another part of my modelling that I have yet to explore, a more natural me with no need to put on a false smile and suggestive pose..it would one of the most relaxed shoots, and most fun I have ever done. I decided to reduce the colour and saturation when editing these, to give them a more fairytlale like element..it differs slightly in each picture as you can see. I don't know much about cameras and lenses, but I do know that that lense is fantastic when it comes to putting the foreground or background into/out of focus.
The last two above are both my favourites, I don't really know why, but I can tell you that the second one involved me standing on the waterfall of the pond, which seemed a great idea except when I needed to get down, and my feet were slipping over slime and rock! Still Im really proud of this shoot, it's incredible how random elements make such beautiful pictures. It's inspired me to do more natural shoots from now on, as I was definitly getting bored of doing the same old glamour everytime.
Please let me know your opinions, I love hearing them, and if anyone would like to order prints, just drop me a message! x
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So what's been happening?
26th July 11
Hello! Well hasn't it been a while! I always say I'm going to update my website, but then I always find something else to do, probably because I have so much going on sometimes, that I can't decide what is of any importance to someone reading this...I've had messages from people all over the world, of all different ages and walks of life, and I really can't work out who the general target audience is. I think when I first started this site, I assumed it was just going to be men, of a young age, that tend the read (or peruse sould I say!) lads mags and attend carshows. Not that theres anything wrong with that at all, it's just that was the target audience that I was geared to towards when I first started modelling..the pic below is taken in the very first few months that I began modelling, at the age of 17, at a bike show and a Max Power carshow..
I look back at these pictures now, and it's hard to believe that I wore hardly any make up, fake tan or false eyelashes..in fact in the first photo I hadn't even had my breast enlargement! But it' strange to think that even then I thought I was fat and ugly..now I just see myself as a pretty young girl, and I almost wish I could go back to being that more innocent. However I didn't know that much about modelling and what a hard industry it was, full of a lot of scam artists and big headed people.The pictures below show one of my very first photoshoots taken by my good friend John Moss, and then a couple of years later to a photoshoot I travelled all the way to Scotand to by Bribsy. In modelling terms, it shows how far I got myself with sheer determination.
At least the cheeky grin is still the same!
So you see, that's all I really thought I was of any use to, and that's what I thought my website and work would just be about. I didn't think people wanted to read about my own struggles in life, my illnesses or my worries. The things I can do, like paint and draw, the things I write about, the people and animals I care for. But sometimes you just wake up and realise that there is more to life than whatever you have been doing, and that your goals are suddenly turned into complete opposites.
This year I found out I have growths around my ovaries and kidneys, which when they burst, cause the most horrific infections and pain. I'd always had these infections, but just got another batch of antibiotics and got on with it. However it got to the point that I could no longer wake up in the morning without reaching for my painkillers, and finally I have two operations scheduled in August to hopefully remove the larger growths. It may also affect my fertilitly, something I took for granted until I was faced with the possibility that I might never have children. However I'm lucky to have been seen to and get the treatment I need quick, so I'm really grateful for that, and I know as long as I keep myself busy and achieve my goals things will work out just fine. There are people that have alot more wrong with them than I do, so I feel lucky to have all four limbs in working order.
I will keep everyone informed of everything that goes on, I'm just praying I don't have an extremely good looking doctor like every other time I end up in hospital, as I usually look like shit and have no make up on!
It also encouraged me to take a good long look at what I do in my life, and whether I feel that i want to be remembered as just a girl that used to do glamour modelling. Now I've always defended glamour models and the people who class us as stupid bimbos, because they aren't all like that at all. In every stereotype there are those that break the mold, some may be literally just waiting to bag a footballer and be a wag, and there are others that simply do it for the money and fun it can bring. For me it was more personal, that I had something to prove. I wanted to show everyone who bullied me at school, that called me ugly and led me to believing it, that I wasn't. To all the boyfriends that cheated on me without a care in the world, that their ex girlfriend was a pulished glamour model and look at what they had lost.
Now I got all of that done and dusted. People I remember from school that used to call me names would stop me in the club and say how pretty I was and how they saw me in the paper etc all the time, ex boyfriends would message me and ask all about what mags I was next going to be in. And the thing is, it didn't actually make me feel any better. It helped a bit with my confidence, and that i knew I could do whatever I wanted to in life, but that was about it!
I still have a photoframe my nanny bought me, it was a graduation photoframe, and she picked it up so I could one day have my cap and gown picture in it, from when I graduated uni. Looking back 3/4 years later, I ended u quitting uni twice, but still hung on the the frame, as I am the only person in my family to have got into a uni. I made a promise to myself that I will one day fill that photoframe with my graduation picture and hand it back to my nanny, so she can actually be proud of me, as I daresay for her generation it must be extremely embarassing to have your grandaughter getting her bangers out in newspapers! I know of course my family love me no matter what I do, but in all honesty it's not what they had dreamed for me.
So what am I doing about it? I'm going back to uni this September after my operations (yes, thrid time lucky!), to study Animal Welfare. Yes, I shall be no doubt sticking my hands up cows arses and doing all sorts of job that would make most people vomit, but I absolutely adore animals, and it is the only thing I could honestly see myself happily getting out of bed for in the morning. Knowing that I could one day be an animal welfare officer and saving innocent creatures from harm, and prosocuting those who harm them. My animals have always been my life, and several of mine have come from rescue centres from less than idyllic lives. I believe that we were all put on this earth for a reason, it may take us several years and a lifetime of experiences, but we will all fufill our purpose. I know that I was put on this earth to love and care, not just for people, but for animals too.
Me & my beloved Carly Girl who taught me to love & respect animals xxx
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New Home, New Beginnings!
18th March 11
Well the month of March has been a moving month that's for sure!
Me, my mum, and about 10 other friends have all either moved out, moved in, moved towns, moved away...I was debating buying 'New Home' cards in bulk!
I'm now living back with my mum, as I'm never really at home much, so it makes sense, and does save a bit too. I had to paint my baby pink living room back to boring magnolia, as I have to appreciate it's not to everyones taste!
However my new bedroom is a shrine to everything pink and girly, here's a picture of the style etc I'm going for..
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It just screams princess & girly! I love it and am now on a lookout for this type of bedframe...
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